RARELY ASKED QUESTIONS
In case you were curious...
I CAN’T FIND BUSTLEBURG ON THE MAP. WHERE IS IT?
It’s in the Great State of Arkanois which is where “the South meets the North meets the Midwest.” Probably the nearest rival metropolises are Memphis and St. Louis, but as Bustleburg and Arkanois are imaginary, it’s hard to be certain.
IMAGINARY, EH? THEN WHAT CITY INSPIRED BUSTLEBURG?
Hours spent torturing the residents in the video game, Sim City 3000, inspired Bustleburg. Apparently when you deny people fire departments, schools, and you know, infrastructure, things are terrible. So it’s not based on any actual American city, but I suspect residents of any problematic place will find something relatable.
WHO ARE BUSTLEBURG’S HEROES?
The who now? I mean, sure there are very good people in Bustleburg who not only save the day but save the whole year. However, if Time Magazine did a Bustleburg issue, it would be a feature about the Hundred Most Entertaining Villains. The vampire industrialists. The Serbian mafia don. The greedy televangelist. The corrupt mayor. The woodpeckers. Never turn your back on a woodpecker in Bustleburg.
WHY IS LIFE IN BUSTLEBURG SO BAD?
In addition to the fires and the pollution, Bustleburg leads the nation in unfairness. Not only are elections stolen, but elementary school short story contests are, too. Matches of extreme croquet are fixed. In general, life in Bustleburg is like boarding a plane where you’re in group six, and passengers only receive actual seats up to group four.
OKAY, HOW’S THE FOOD?
Thanks to the fires, it’s difficult to obtain a license for a commercial oven. So Bustleburg features “cold fusion” restaurants where they invent dishes that require no cooking. Dry Chocolate Chex served with a glass of Cran-Raspberry is a local favorite. Feeling subversive? If you’re sneaky, you can purchase black-market baked goods or acquire controlled substances like candy bars or coffee.
WHERE’S THE EXIT?
Did I mention how bad the traffic is? The best way to leave Bustleburg is to be so wealthy you can afford your own helicopter. Other than that, you can pack water, food, first aid kits, blankets, fuel cans, and fire extinguishers for your overnight trip across the Bustleburg Bridge. What might be easier is to become a permanent resident and enjoy all the surprises the city has in store.
I'M A BUSTLEBURG SUPERFAN. THERE WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE A WIKI, WOULD THERE?
Hey! So glad you asked. It's a fledgling wiki, but there's stuff you won't find in the book! www.bustleburg.com.