top of page

What real cities are most like Bustleburg?


I'm torn between ensuring I don't insult anyone and attempting to ensure people will want to read Bustleburg because it relates to their experience. Perhaps honesty is best. More or less. So we'll start with:

1) Bustleburg originated from Sim City 3000, and therefore, is not a real city. Making a good city was easy. Making a sustainable awful city was more interesting. Bustleburg, the Sim City, had about 300,000 residents, a huge pollution issue, terrible fire coverage, a lot of crime (partly thanks to a casino), and, I believe, only one park. Schools were outrageously overcrowded as were jails. Deliciously disastrous.

2) The cities I know best are New York City, Washington DC, Richmond, and Houston. I didn't reference New York or DC for Bustleburg, but national politics inspired Bustleburg's corruption. The No Child Left Behind policy wasn't elitist enough for Mayor Kakisto, so he invented the Every Child for Himself policy.

3) Richmond. Well. Richmond is far better than Bustleburg, but it did inspire aspects. Richmond used to be far more important to the nation, and it retains an out-sized ego. The newspapers and TV news struggle to find ways to make world events about Richmond. Sure you could say every city does that, but no they don't. Not to the same degree. It can be okay for a community to love itself though. More civic pride means cleaner streets and, hopefully, more assistance to the most needy.

4) Richmond had clear prejudices along class lines. Racism, too, but that's more hidden, and frankly, I feel really is frowned upon in ways that are laudable. But I worked in a bookstore in the West End and saw the sharp divide between the servers and the served. I had a similar job in DC near the embassies and didn't experience the same level of snobbery. So Richmond's West End inspired Burnsvale to a degree.

5) In Richmond, I was surprised at the number of bank robberies and fires. I've done the research to know Richmond doesn't have alarmingly high numbers of fires or bank robberies, but when I lived there it seemed omnipresent. I haven't seen the same in the news elsewhere, but I can't explain why not. So, while Richmond inspired some of Bustleburg's problems and history, is that fair? I'm not sure it is. Poor Richmond. I may not have liked it, but my mom loves it and knows it much better.

6) Houston has trouble with storms and floods. (It also needs more trees.) I think we'll see more of that in Bustleburg going forward. Houston's trouble with pollution is legendary although to be fair? I lived across the river from a coal power plant in Manhattan. I came down with bronchitis twice. The second time it turned to double pneumonia. The difference might be egalitarianism. The wealthy are breathing as much smog in NYC as anyone. However, you can be Joe Middle-Class in Houston and only have the occasional severely hazardous day. :) But for those who live near the refineries? Yeesh.

7) What about other cities I don't know as well? I've visited some likely Bustleburg suspects - Detroit, St. Louis, New Orleans. Others you often read about like Flint, Gary, and Camden, I have not. After a few drafts of Bustleburg, I read Detroit: An Autopsy as research. I also read Why New Orleans Matters. I recommend both. While it wasn't an intentional reference, it turned out Detroit had issues with arson (as do St. Louis and Cleveland). I did include a reference to "copper wire recovery" from reading about Detroit. I referenced Cleveland's Cuyahoga River (as way cleaner than Bustleburg's Yuckamud), and the pollution of East St. Louis is slightly analogous to Bustleburg's East Bank, but not entirely. Most cities put their polluting industry to the east. Prevailing winds in Bustleburg are ornery, however, so somehow the pollution pushes west (magically skipping Bachelorsville) and ends up in Burnsvale. :)

8) Why are these cities better? Sports, for one. Art, for two. I love the museums in Detroit and St. Louis. I hear the one in Cleveland is awesome, too. Richmond's is quite good. Meanwhile, art is outlawed in Bustleburg. (And if Bustleburg had Richmond's beautiful Victorian architecture? Bulldozed, I'm sure. Every last house.)

9) Finally, what do all these cities have? Good food. While some areas frown on caffeine and alcohol, they aren't usually controlled substances (pointed look at Salt Lake City, though.) You're allowed to have chocolate in every American town I know of. And radio stations can play pop music. There are night clubs and dancing. There are restaurants with, you know, ovens and fresh ingredients.

10) Attitude & atmosphere. New Orleans, for example, clearly wants you to be happy. Probably every city does, really. Bustleburg? If you are an oppressed worker drone who goes through life in a numb haze, they've done their job.

So pretty much anywhere you are, you're better off than Bustleburg. But to echo comedian Michelle Wolf, Flint still doesn't have clean water.

bottom of page