Flood Season in Bustleburg

The stormy season in Bustleburg lasts from about January to December. Here's a look at their annual "flood party."

Dramatis Personae:

Sam Bamford

Virginia Valdez

Don Yonkers

Mayor Bromley Kakisto

Sam Bamford: Hello! I’m Sam Bamford, NewsStruct’s Action Man on the Scene! And welcome to NewsStruct’s coverage of Bustleburg’s Head of the Yuckamud. Today I’m joined by journalist Virginia Valdez who came all the way from out-of-town to write about the event! Pleased to meet you, Virginia.

Virginia Valdez: Thank you, but —

Don Yonkers: Hi, I’m Don Yonkers, rogue sociologist. I hope whatever you write about Bustleburg is positive. We haven’t had good press from out-of-town in ages.

Mayor Kakisto: Yes, good publicity is so important. Say, Ms. Valdez, why did you bring that boat and why do you have a rowing team with you?

Virginia: I was about to ask why no one else has a rowing team. I thought the Head of the Yuckamud was a boat race.

Sam: It’s a race against calamity! The yearlong flood season peaks right around now. We have teams sandbag the river. The more sandbags you place, the more points your team earns.

Virginia: Oh, gamifying the community. Interesting tactic. What do they win?

Don: Leniency in sentences, the right to graffiti abandoned buildings, elementary school textbooks from the 1970s, or new sports cars. It depends on who wins.

Virginia: If this is an emergency, then why are the teams waiting around?

Don: Please, this is our Kentucky Derby, Virginia. Sure, I mean, they’ve already secured Privilege Pond and Lake Vauntley so the fine families of Burnsvale are safe, but now it’s time for the river! Now comes the pageantry! And the street gangs! Let’s meet them.

Mayor Kakisto: Why hello there, miscreants. Virginia, may I introduce you to the Rebel Fauns Motorcycle Club from Bachelorsville and the Distress, an all-womens biker gang. Then over here we have inmates from the maximum=security prison, then another gang called the Hollandton Hounds, and some boy scouts and girl scouts from Greyfields.

Virginia: May I ask how safe this event is?

Don: Very safe. It has to be. The best Bustleburgers attend in lovely new outfits. See that yacht over there? With all the people hobnobbing and drinking alcohol-free champagne? Such a social whirl. Peak flood season is the time to be in Bustleburg.

Mayor: There’s the gun! Or was that a real gun? Should we duck? Oh, the event is starting. Wait, who are those random volunteers pitching in? Stop them.

Virginia: Shouldn’t everyone be helping instead of just prisoners, gang members, and scouts?

Don: We have plenty of competitors. Do you know about our color war teams? Orange Pekoe and Earl Grey are here to compete. Earl Grey hired the day laborers on our left, and Orange Pekoe brought their live-in help.

Sam: Oh, the excitement! Who will win? Whose neighborhood will be lost? Who will be eaten by

swamp monsters?

Mayor: Uh oh, those women from The Distress are awfully organized. They’re in the lead.

Sam: But wait! The Orange Pekoe yacht has twenty-foot poles. They’re knocking down the sandbags faster than their rivals can put them up! Such strategy.

Virginia: Isn’t that cheating? And incredibly immoral?

Don: Nope

Mayor: Not at all. In fact, I lent them the poles. I have a lot riding on this with the mayors of St. Louis and Memphis. If Orange Pekoe wins, they owe me a pizza party.

Sam: It is too bad about the homes along the river.

Sam: I hope the residents are in a nice, dry shelter.

Virginia: What might be nicer would be, you know, if the city government could plant trees, create drainage ponds, and institute zoning laws prohibiting building in flood-prone areas.

Sam: Why are you getting into your boat, Virginia? Oh, look. The Orange Pekoe Servants are in the lead. Will it be new sports cars for Orange Pekoe? Wait! All the other teams are helping the Distress build their embankment to beat Orange Pekoe! This is unheard of!

Don: They aren’t supposed to…to… cooperate! Quick! Announce a second prize, Mr. Mayor. Or punishments. Let me get on my two-way radio…Johnson, bring in the mayor’s sail barge. Swamp everyone except Orange Pekoe, pronto.

Virginia: I’ve seen enough. This confirms what I needed for my article on corruption in Bustleburg.

Mayor: What? No! Don, stop her!

Virginia: And that is why I brought a crew team. Champions. From Cambridge.

Virginia: Away we go, boys! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke…