Bustleburg Takes the Needle off the Record

Why is most music prohibited in Bustleburg?

It's frankly unclear. It’s likely Reverend Maple’s doing, therefore involving inconsistent morality and frequent logical flaws. However, his influence with Bustleburg police forces radio stations to adhere to his rules. Individuals are fined for publicly playing recent music, like Buddy Holly and the Crickets.

There are exceptions. Mayor Kakisto believes instrumental music, naturally, wouldn't contain racy or subversive lyrics and may be permissible. He is partial to themes from films such as Doctor Zhivago and A Summer Place. On the other hand, since the mayor didn’t understand Chariots of Fire, Vangelis is off-limits.

Music as contemporary as the Glenn Miller Orchestra may be played although Reverend Maple frowns on “In the Mood”. (There’s a big kerfuffle over that piece.)

Though Ella Mae Morse’s “Mr. Five by Five” is one of the mayor’s favorite songs, it isn’t played as it makes him feel fat.

Songs from musicals are acceptable as long as Mickey Rooney starred in them. It’s rumored the mayor sneaked out of Bustleburg to see Cats, but I wouldn’t tell anyone you heard that. There’s also gossip the mayor likes Fleetwood Mac, but Reverend Maple maintains a slippery slope philosophy, so it’s strictly banned. In fact, if artists as controversial as Stevie Nicks or Celine Dion set foot in Bustleburg, they are to be arrested on sight.

What music is allowed? If it passes North Korean censors, such as the Moranbong Band, it might be permitted. However, Reverend Maple would rather the ladies sing in English to ensure no lyrics objectionable to the Pious Rivalist Church sneak by him. The favored genre is called Loyalty Sway, a style which supports local interests featuring irregular rhythm and little to no beat, so you can’t dance to it. “Bustleburg, Our Bustleburg,” "Everyone Loves Bustleburg," and “Pay Your Respects to Pious Rivalist” are examples.

As you might imagine, there is push back. Rebellious individuals risk blaring bits of Rage Against the Machine, The Clash, or The Bobby Fuller Four. There are whispers of Boss Vostic’s outlaw nightclub, The Complaint Department (held after hours at the DMV). Then there’s the reaction to Bustleburg loyalty music, creating a market for underground anthems like “I Love New York” or “Put Your Hands Up for Detroit.”