Nashville: Not Much Like Bustleburg
I visited Nashville two weeks ago, and I asked the Uber driver what the worst things about Nashville were.
“Traffic,” he said. That sounds very Bustleburg, although having experienced traffic in Houston and Atlanta, I’m not sure Nashville gets to complain.
He also said “growing pains” because the city’s population is increasing all the time. Well, that’s not Bustleburg at all.
Nashville has party bike “wagons” where about twelve guests peddle at stations on this trolley-like contraption while drinking margaritas.
There is a driver/DJ/host who keeps the partiers* on the road and dancing around to Whitney Houston. The trolleys also have electric motors for when the guests get lazy or too tipsy. We were told they’re quite popular with bachelorette parties.
What would happen if this idea got to Bustleburg? I think schoolchildren would be taken out of class and conscripted as “transportation specialists”. The mayor would say, “Look. Look how environmentally correct we’re being with this new form of municipal mass transit. Now, no more complaining about the chemical plants causing toxic clouds.” Of course, that would also count as the city’s youth physical fitness program.
While in Nashville, we saw Jesse Labelle perform...
...(he was really good) and visited the Country Music Hall of Fame. We’ve already discussed how Bustleburg feels about music. With all that talk of cheatin’ hearts and whiskey, not to mention being able to dance to a fair amount of that “nonsense,” Mayor Kakisto would report the City of Nashville to Reverend Maple straight away. Mr. Labelle and his band would all be put in time out.
Nashville also has the very impressive Lane Auto Museum...
...and the Nashville Parthenon,...
...which is a full-size replica of the one in Greece. Art museums are subversive by Bustleburg standards, and Mayor Kakisto overheard someone say “that Dodge Viper is a work of art.” So, automotive museums are out, too.
Unlike Bustleburg, barbecue is legal in Nashville. Based on a visit to Martin’s, Nashville’s sauce is kind of liquidy. It’s sweeter than Texas’ and quite a bit hotter than Kansas City’s. It’s would be a big hit at the outlaw barbecue joints in Bustleburg’s Damsels District.
On the flip side, The Opryland Hotel (which has a huge, stunning atrium full of tropical trees and flowers)....
...costs a whopping $29 for parking. That highway robbery (or parking lot robbery) has Bustleburg’s full support. ::Applause Applause Applause:: says the Bustleburg Star Chamber of Commerce.
Overall, there is too much music, partying, barbecue, and Greek architecture for Bustleburgers to find tolerable. Bustleburg can’t have anything to do with you. So there.
