Upon which Queen Zina’s personal assistant, Murgatroyd, sets out from Bustleburg.
:TOP SECRET:
For Her Highness, Queen Zina Kakisto, First Lady of Bustleburg:
I am sad to report yet another city is better than Bustleburg. As much as we would like to find a suitable urban rival to occasionally best, Fort Worth unfortunately has numerous sinkhole-free roads, a variety of un-robbed banks, and breathable air.
They also have museums. Not only do they have actual art, but the two museums visited charged no admission. It is my understanding you may send Boss Vostic’s minions (excuse me, I mean "staff") to liberate masterpieces for the mayor’s private collection. My reconnaissance provides some lovely candidates:
Albert Bierstadt, Sunrise at Yosemite (Amon Carter Museum of American Art)
François Boucher – Venus at Vulcan’s Forge (Kimbell Museum of Art)
May I add how similar Venus’ lovely visage is to your own, Your Highness.
I will posit that absconding with priceless art pieces will be unlikely to ingratiate the Bustleburg government with the national public. Instead, if we rebuild the Museum of Used Tires, what with all the destruction after the alien attack, perhaps we could expand its scope and humbly ask for donations. Fort Worth probably has a spare Titian or Tintoretto they’re not using.
Unlike in Bustleburg, birds are not illegal in Fort Worth. They have them in the wild, but as evidenced below, in the zoo as well.
Considering you possess your own flock of contraband budgies, perhaps Bustleburg could increase revenue if you allowed the children of the city to feed your birds for a small fee?
While in Fort Worth, I attended something called a “con” in the guise of an author.
(Thank you for the glamour spell. No one suspected I was an impostor.) I was put on several panels and met many esteemed writers. I am bringing back their works for your perusal.
From the rather raucous panel on Finding Humor, I found…
Amber Royer,...
...John DeLaughter & Mel White,...
.....Dusty Rainbolt...
and K.B. Bogen.
From the highly engaging panel on “Writing Outside Your Experience” I discovered…
...Shanna Swendson...,
Trakena Prevost...
A. Lee Martinez,..
...and Patricia Burroughs
From the informative and somewhat alarming panel titled, “Apocalypse Soon,” I learned of…
The brand new Death’s Paladin by Christopher Donahue as well as…
Bubbas of the Apocalypse (Chaos reigns in Texas. Thanks to a certain ingredient, only those who have consumed cheap barbecue sauce have survived) and…
…the amazing poet Larry Atchley Jr. (I went to his poetry reading. I realize poetry is deeply frowned upon in Bustleburg. I regret nothing.)
In conclusion, I’ve determined should there be a municipal calamity in Bustleburg, a possible evacuation to Fort Worth could be most pleasant. (We should really discuss the pollution in Bustleburg, Your Highness, as well as our emergency supply of sardine tins.)
Your faithful assistant,
Murgatroyd